Should, coulda, woulda

More than anything, I hate it when I'm wrong. Even when I know what I'm doing is wrong, I can usually justify how right it is, and then when I realize I'm wrong about it, I'm annoyed. After high school and up until very recently, I had convinced myself that it was OK that I hadn't gone to college. I had some reasons why I didn't go, and I've blamed not going on someone else for a really long time, however, looking back, I really didn't want to go either. It's a hard thing, college, especially when you don't have someone pushing you and helping you through the process (which I did not). I thought I'd be fine, get a job, have a family, and be non the worse off without the college education. For a really long time, I was fine. I had a great job and made more money than a lot of people I know that DO have a college education. I was OK with that, and at parties when I was asked where I went to school I skillfully changed the subject. Also, I'm a total hypocrite, I'm constantly pushing my kids to get good grades and they know they are expected to go to college...it's not even really an option. Up until now I didn't really have a reason why they should go other than the education of course, and the experience. However, I'm becoming wise in my old age (hey, I just had a birthday and I can feel old for awhile still) and I've realized through my school work that there are so many more benefits to having gone to college, even if the classes aren't in direct relation to your major. Specifically my English Comp class, where we are learning more about writing, and different methods to do so, APA formatting (which is still an odd concept to me) and more. I can look back and see how even though I'm a fairly good writer having had this class before I went into the workforce may have helped me along the way. I feel better about myself too, I feel that I can honestly tell my kids they are going to school without feeling regret or hypocritical, and I can feel proud of myself when someone asks me where I went to school, or what I majored in and I'll have an actual real answer. Granted, I don't get to stay in a dorm, meet a plethora of new people, gain the freshman 15 (don't worry, I got mine with each kid, didn't miss out on that one!) or have the experience of sitting in a classroom, which all are important. I do however get the benefit of the education and right now, that is all that matters.
So, I shoulda went to school, I coulda had an education from the start and made things a little easier on myself, but then I woulda had to miss out on meeting my amazing hubby, having two great kids, and being where I am in my life which is just where I want to be.

I still tell people that.

I remember a birthday party from a long time ago, we must have been 8 or so. It was one of those birthdays when the weather was actually warm enough in April to go outside..king of like this year. Being that out birthdays were so close together, we were treated like twins when it came to the gifts we got from family and friends, I still tell people that. At the time I think I remember thinking that was pretty cool. I mean we both have sisters, but to have someone to share that day with, espeically someone you got along with so great is even better...like having a twin, I still tell people that. At this birthday party we got these twirling dance ribbons. You remember? The kind that have a long white plastic stick with a 10 foot silky ribbon tied to the end? The kind that they use in dance gymnastics on the olympics. Once of us got a blue one and one of us got a pink one. I want to say mine was the blue one, but I don't remember for sure. We danced around your parents yard for hours with those things, around the shed, around the pile of lyme, around the house. I can see those two little ladies, dancing around, one with bright red hair and the other with almost white blonde. You were always taller, but that was OK, because I was older by two days. That made things even...I still tell people that. At another birthday we got a Cabbage Patch toy, think we had a fight over those for some reason, but I can't remember why. I think that was the same year we went out to a lake, and went on those paddle boat things, we got in a fight there too, but that was because I was jealous...I wasn't with you...I still tell people that. We've spent so much of our lives together, like twins, it's an amazing thing that we got to share that nobody else has. I carry a picture of us at the age of a few months, laying on a pool table after our baptism, with our moms standing behind us...we were even baptized together...I still tell people that. I miss you on days like these when you should be celebrating your birthday with me and me with you, that you should have been there on Saturday when we had a tattoo party, you would have love it. I have my tattoo, it's designed with you in mind...I still tell people that. I hope you are happy in heaven, I hope I get to see you again...I still tell people that. I miss you in my life and I still want you back..I still tell people that. I hope you can see that, feel it, know it, because someday when we meet again, you'll know that twins are always together...when you left us, I felt it, I knew it. I still tell people that. Love always.

To write or not too right?

What does one write about when there is nothing goin on to write about, It's been a pretty dull week. Well, it was my birthday on Monday and I received 80 times more "Happy Birthday" wishes on Facebook than in real life, and only 2 phone calls, guess that isn't dull. So, not sure if it's right to write about that, because I don't want anyone to think it's not appreciated, because all the wishes are appreciated and make for a great day. It did teach me a lesson though, if I felt at all icky that day about getting texts and FB posts and calls then people I do that to probably feel that way too. No more...I'm making a commitment to do everything in my power to do nothing less than send a card and at the very most throw a birthday bash for everyone I know (buy Hallmark stock now). So it's right to write a birthday card, and it's right to stop by and give a birthday wish in person. If we don't want to be lost in this world of technology, we need to stop it in it's tracks. Make it personable again..it's OK, people don't bite...much.

Back to Basics?

Just moments ago a white van pulled up next to my curb, it said the name of a company on the side in black lettering constructed with what looked like black electrical tape. The van said it was Ohio (I'm in WI). My kids ran up to the side of the van, and as I watched from my living room window I almost had a heart failure. I dashed out the front door, freaking out...the guy was leaning out the window, talking to my kids! The sad part is...it was an ice cream truck. With the circus music blaring from the roof as is customary in an ice cream truck that travels the neighborhood selling yummy treats to little kids on the side of the road. Careful not to crash the happiness my kids felt I let them buy a treat. Paranoid still, I made the kids come in and put their treats in the freezer (told them it was because dinner was almost ready) until I can look at them closer. I'm giving myself some time to consider my next move. I want my kids to be able to trust people (although when it comes to the saftey of my kids I rarely do), but I also want them to know the dangers of people trying to hurt them. Many things are running through my head right now...what did he do to the treat, he knows where kids live, he knows how many and how old, he knows they like treats and are more than willing to come up to his van...however, he also knows, thanks to my paranoid mind that within seconds he'll also see mom hanging out on the front porch watching closely. So, I think I'll warn them of the dangers of strangers...again...and I'll check their treats in secret and try to get some sleep tonight while I worry if they are getting sick. Crazy mom, paranoid mom, yes....safe kids..hell yes.

Here's MY sign...

There is a comedian out there that talks about people seeing their sign when they ask a dumb question or need the obvious stated...I thought of that today when I realized that I saw my sign and I really need to return to the workforce. On more than one occasion today I've actually spoken to objects. Not so much that I expected them to respond, because frankly I should be committed if I expect that, but just making comments..outloud..to stuff..yikes. I talked to the towels I had hung out on the line today when I was rushing to take them down as it started to rain. "hang on little towels, I'll get you down before you get wet..hahaha..you are already wet...maybe I should just leave you here...no, the neighbors will think I'm a nut..better take you down..(singing now) here we go off the line, into the house, into the dry...(talking again)..I should be a song writer." Then later, and I know I'm not alone on this one, when my computer wouldn't do something I'm sure I was very specific about, I talked to it, "come ON, just do what I told you to do and you won't be hurt!" Then, the winner of the day was just now, as I was getting ready to make dinner. I was putting some dishes away that included two coffee mugs and a wine glass (nice combo huh). I had all three in my hands and then realized..and said outloud "oh no little wine glass, you can stay out, I'll put you right over here and we'll see each other again shortly". Oh..my..oh my oh my oh my...really? I told my husband of the last "discussion" and he looked at me with absent eyes and said "wow". So, the moral of this humiliating story is that I need a job where I can talk to things..I mean adults...that will talk back. I need to use my brain for good. This is so embarassing but I know my father in law will get a huge kick out of it.

What I thought I knew about softball and men

Last night I came home from a Booster Club meeting, turned on the computer and saw the familiar sight of the SoftballFans.com website tab along with the other standards, Twitter and Facebook. The thing that caught my eye however was that the word "divorce" was also on the SoftballFans.com tab...which means that my husband was reading a thread that had something to do with softball and divorce. I was curious so I read the thread which had some surprisingly interesting and thoughtful responses to a guy asking about what he should do about his "nagging" wife that was threatning divorce because of the amount of time spent playing and umping softball. Two things struck me as odd about this thread. One, that a guy was actually thinking about the possibility of divorce because of softball, and two, that men actually talk about this kind of stuff. I've been told by my own husband on numerous occasions that guys don't talk about this kind of stuff when they hang out, that they talk about bats and tournaments and what kind of beer they are drinking, but rarely does the subject of wives, marriage, kids, or anything remotley domesticated come up. As I mentioned, some of the responses to the players initial post were well thought out and in favor of "the wife" (which, by the way I can not STAND to be called, I DO have a name). There were also some not so nice and somewhat ignorant responses which is to be expected when reading a thread on a male dominated website about softball. I'm not going to lie, I desperatley wanted to respond to this guy with a female prospective of the situation, but decided against it mostly because I didn't want to post under my hubby's name with a sappy response and I also didn't want to sign up under my own name because, well, I just don't care that much. I'm impressed at the guys willingness to take the BS from the rest of the website members, however all of this probably could have been avoided if he'd have just talked to his wife. Good to know that regardless of what men say about womens nights out, and all the fun they poke of our chattyness, there are those select few men and select moments when real life is discussed and advice is shared. Way to go guys...even if it is on a softball forum.

Customer service...how may I help you?

Twice in the last two weeks I've had to deal with people at a customer service hotline. Both times it was because of something that had to do with a bill of sorts. Both times I've had to turn on my "firm" voice, and both times, nothing got done without me having to throw a threat out there or ask for a supervisor.
My issue is this...why can't they just give me what they can give me without it resorting to my having to throw a fit, and WHY for the love of all that is Holy, can't they admit when they make a mistake and take the responsibility for it? You know that if it was a mistake that was made by the customer there wouldn't be negotiations or percentages for clearing the mistake. There would be a bottom line of "you pay or you no get"...duh. I just wish that just once someone would have their ducks in a row, I wish that big businesses would understand how the consumer actually feels instead of how much it's costing them. (my mom always used to say, wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which fills up first). I think they'd make more money that way in the long run. It's like people always say...kill them with kindness.
For the record, I'll never reccomened anyone ever use Turbo Tax, nor am I overly thrilled with the latest shananagans from Sprint. Just had to throw that out there...I can't be the bigger person...I've tried.