DVR me ASAP

The other day I was driving somewhere and in the car in front of me I could have sworn I saw the passenger smack the driver in the face. I was shocked to say the least, and my first instinct was to hit the rewind button. Now, before we go too much further into my weirdness, I have to say that I ended up next to that car in another lane and found the occupants to be laughing like crazy, so, they are good. Now, to my craziness...the fact that I thought to rewind a moment of life struck me later as both odd and frightening. Having a DVR at home, on our TV, has been awesome I have to say. Pausing, rewinding, recording, and the best part...fast forwarding through commercials! However, I use it so much (yes, I watch way to much TV) that I've found myself wishing or wanting to use DVR in real life. Sometimes it's when someone says something to me that I didn't hear...rewind. Or when I'm at work, learning a new piece of information...record. When something horrible is happening, like an accident or a fall....pause. Or when I have to do things I don't want to do, like grocery shopping, or driving...fast forward. Although all of those things would be super helpful in life, once I really thought about it I thought about how much I'd miss. If I have to ask for someone to repeat themselves, oh well! It might spark further conversation! When I'm learning something new at work...well, no matter what I'd like to record that! When something horrible is happening, and I'd like to pause, I'd probably stay paused forever so I didn't have to deal with the pain and when I'm doing those things I don't want to do, like drive or grocery shop, I'm missing a whole lot of much needed ME time. So, sometimes it would be cool, but imagine that power in the hands of everyone! We wouldn't know which way was up, down, around or even what time it was! I hate not knowing what time it is. Guess it's best to just live life as we have it coming...it all balances out in the end.

Time for some changes

So many things are changing, I may have a panic attack. I can't believe that it's been a month since I posted, it's been crazy in the Piller home. School has started...and been put on pause. Kids went back to school Sept 1st (YAY!) and I've had a couple of weeks of peace around the house. It's kind of lonely, although I wouldn't really say that out loud. And, today, I just finished my last final for the summer courses, phew! This was a tough semester. I'm glad it's over, but I only have a couple of weeks before the next fall quarter starts. Speaking of fall, that is changing too. The trees across the road are starting to change colors. It's a tough time to catch, those leaves changing. If you are lucky you get a couple of good days to revel in how beautiful the change can be before they attack the ground in full force (and the sounds of leaf blowers take the place of lawn mowers). The biggest change of all is my going back to work. Granted I've worked here and there, filling in for people and even bartending, but tomorrow I go back to actual work. Actual work. Customer service work. In an office, with other people. I'm having a bit of agoraphobia I believe and I'm sure to be homesick. Being home for 1 year and 11 months probably didn't help, but I think I may have always been that way and I just pushed myself to seem otherwise.
Changes are good. Changes are scary. Changes keep things moving and interesting. Of all the things changes are they are inevitable and must be embraced...the alternative is to be left in the past. Taking a deep breath now, putting the panic attack aside and enjoying the last day of non-working freedom. Enjoy fall!

The Punish List

A list of the things that I used to get in trouble for as a child and now punish my kids for...

1. Leaving lights on. I never really understood the cost of light bulbs and electricity as a child, thought my step-dad was insane for going crazy over them being left on but now it's not even the money that bothers me, it's the fact that it's just plain annoying and lazy that they are left on. Yet, I wonder if that's maybe what got his goat too and we just use money as the excuse to punish since it's much more practical and kids can't argue with that.

2. Tipping your chair at the dinner table. I used to have to sit on the washing machine as a kid if I tipped my chair back. I don't make my kids do that, mostly because the washer is in the basement and it's just plain nasty down there, but it still ticks me off and I get a little fussy about it.

3. Putting your hair back at dinner. This one used to send my Grandpa Neuman into a tizzy if the girls didn't have their hair back at dinner. One loose hair on the table or in the food and Grandpa's dinner was o-v-e-r. My daughter hates me for making her pull her hair back before eating...I however hate watching her eat hair for dinner...I cooked dammit!

4. Clean your room. I mean, this is probably every child in the world...rarely do they clean their rooms, and as a child we are pretty creative at finding good excuses as to why it should just stay messy, including but not limited to "I can find stuff easier", "it's MY room, why do you care", and "if you stop looking at it then you won't care if it's dirty". However, as a mom I find myself answering with the one standard response that must be passed from generation to generation, which is "It's my house, I pay for it, this room is not yours, you just borrow it until you are 18 and move out...when you are 18, not a day later."

5. Move away from the TV. I swear there isn't a day that goes by that I don't walk into the living room and say "move back from the TV". WHY do kids sit so close? I don't get it. Not sure if it really does hurt their eyes, but just to be safe we mine as well yell at'em about it. Hell, we heard it so it must be true.

So yeah, what goes around comes around and although I hate to admit that, I take comfort in knowing that my children will one day be in this same boat and I won't feel so horrible about the lessons I've learned and taught...I turned out pretty good.

When it rains...

it pours. Sometimes it's a good thing, like a nice warm rain that cools off a hot summer day. Sometimes is a not so good thing, like a raging thunderstorm that tears down trees and forces your kids into your bed at 3AM. Just like rainstorms, you have to take the good with the bad right? It's been almost 2 years that I've been unemployed. I've applied for literally over 150 jobs during that time, possibly more. I received a note in the mail that my unemployment benefits will run out within a couple of weeks and I went on a job applying rampage. I applied for over 20 jobs last weekend alone. I've now received 3 calls for jobs (after none for the last two years) and actually did get a job bartending at a local restaurant. I'm not sure why it happened this way, but I'm happy about it. Things are provided when they are needed. I re-read an older post from a little over a month ago where I went on a rant about everything happening for a reason and boy oh boy do I sound bitter. It is a weird saying, I still agree with that, but boy, I needed to CHILL! Now I'm just worrying that with all this good, some bad must also come. I just hope it's the thunder and not the storm.

What relieves your stress?

It's been awhile. I'm a busy girl. I won't complain because I've brought it on myself of course, but now I must find ways to deal with the stress I have in my life. So, my question to you is: What relieves your stress? Here are my ideas...

Wine. Seriously, there is not a faster more reliable form of stress relief. I love it. Red, white, mostly red. Different kinds, Merlot, cab, mostly Merlot. FYI wine is not to be confused with "whine", that kind doesn't work. Drink lots. Drink often. Drink responsibly..I guess.

Sitting outside on a warm humid day with a calm breeze blowing in your face. Initially this sounds horrible, but if it's just warm, not hot, and if it's mildly humid, not severely humid it's awesome. I'm in WI, and if it's the right kind of day, it feels like Florida. If you can keep the bad thoughts from penetrating the moment it's awesome. Try it.

Doing something crazy you would have done as a kid...more so if you do that something WITH your kids. I suggest those swings they have at the fair, or the amusement park that aren't just little swings, but have seat belts and fly around and around up high and down low. The kids giggle like crazy and you feel that wind in your face and remember what it was like to not have a care in the world. If you must, it's possible to resort to the swings in your backyard but I find that my big toosh isn't the most comfortable in those things. Things that give the same effect as the big swing are riding bike down a hill, playing tag, or running through a sprinkler. I also recommend jumping on a trampoline, but only if you are prepared for the ridicule of your brother-in-law and/or children.

Eat something yummy. Either make it yourself or go out to eat. It doesn't matter what you eat, just as long as it is something you love, something you may not always get to savor, and something that is probably really really bad for you. I suggest cheesecake, ice cream, mostly ice cream. I also love savory foods like a good baked bread, garlic mashed potatoes (any mashed potatoes actually) and wine...Merlot.

Vent. Vent. Vent. I use this ol' thing...blogging. But others use Facebook (ok, I use that too). It's good to let things out. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if anyone reads it (as I'm sure these are rarely read) but it just feels good to say what you wanna say and not care. Careful what you say though, that one person could read it that is standing between you and your dream job of traveling across Europe for a lot of money and little work.

Those are just a few of my ideas. Today I drank a glass of wine, had a dinner consisting of chicken Marsala (my fav), blogged (duh), and now I'm heading out to take a bike ride with my kids. I should be floating tonight right? I hope!

What are your ideas?

Everything happens for a reason...right?

It's not the idea that everything happens for a reason that gets my feathers ruffled, it's more the idea that I want to know what the reason is. Also, who was the smart ass that coined that phrase anyway, obviously things happen for a reason whether significant or not. Wanting to know why things happen in my life is par for the course with my personality. I have to have a plan, I have to know why, I have little faith in anything I can't see, touch, hear or feel (although I'm working on this), so it doesn't surprise me in the least that the idea of not know why something has happened irritates me so. Along with the above mentioned characteristics I also have this insatiable need to analyze absolutely everything to death. I have a pretty unrealistic expectation of figuring everything out. When I say everything, I mean just that...why, why, why to everything. Finally, to make things even worse, I have the patience of a knat. Seriously, even if I knew why things happened and the result of the occurrence is something that will materialize 10 years from now, I wouldn't be able to wait for it. It's a continuous circle of insanity that I can't seem to give up. Thoughts are streaming through my head constantly. Most people would get a headache listening to me explain how I get from thought A to thought Z, the amount of analyzing, debating and reviewing is pretty ridiculous. And, to top it all off, I can't help it, I don't care if I'm crazy and I still want answers. Can someone just give me the answers? Tell me what I should do, tell me if I'm wasting my time on things, just tell me the lesson I'm supposed to learn already and lets all move on with our day.
Not really sure what brought about this little rant today, but there are things going on in my life and the lives of the people that I love and care about that I wish I could fix or just end. Life is tough...yeah, I know...everything happens for a reason.

Toons

When I was a kid I watched cartoons like Smurfs, Snorkles, Bugs Bunny and Rainbow Brite. The closest thing to a teeny bopper show was Punky Brewster, or Alf. Now, my kids watch Phinneus and Pherb,6teen, Sponge Bob and their idea of teenage shows are Wizards of Wavery Place and iCarley. Now they have several channels that are dedicated to kids shows, when I was a kid it was all about getting up early on Saturday morning and praying mom didn't wake up and have "cleaning day" so we could watch the toons. Up until today I've had some serious reservations about the shows my kids are watching, and the things they are learning from those shows. I've seen a lot of kissing, language that I don't approve of in this house and subject matter I haven't discussed with them yet. Don't get me wrong, I still have those reservations and I've set up some parental blocking on particular shows, but I've also realized a couple of things today that I didn't think about before. From what I remember, when we were kids and watching smurfs and Alf, they didn't talk about or show things about places around the world, speak in other languages, or have much of a cultural flair. Now, between Phinneus and Pherb traveling to Paris and iCarly going to Japan, my kids are asking questions about those places. They don't think twice about doing a report on Mexico because as they've grown up they've heard Dora talking Spanish and learned about cultural differences and customs of Mexico. They ask where Paris is and what language they speak there, they talk about trying foods that they serve in Japan and how long it would take to fly to another country. All of these conversations and activities aren't things that I experienced watching cartoons of my generation. It is a fine line that as parents we need to watch closely, making sure our kids aren't learning ahead of their emotional and maturity level, but are still able to benefit from the new and interesting information the toons of their generation provide. Now, the goal is to be able to stomach more than one episode of Wizards of Waverly Place or Hannah Montana to make sure the shows are appropriate. What I'd really go for is a retro channel that showed old shows 24/7.

It's all about the girl time

Last night I went to see a movie. It was given 1 & 1/2 stars by some magazine that puts Kate and her eight on the cover, so a very reliable source. I heard it was horrible, yet I still paid my 8 dollars (plus 3 for that wet stuff that normally is free out of a faucet) and sat in my seat to watch the second installment of Sex & the City. Listen, if you are a Southpark fan, or if you think that Jim Carrey should have won an Oscar for, well, any role he's ever played then no, this is not the movie for you. You will hate it, and probably give it less than 1 1/2 stars. But, if you are a woman, maybe a mom, crazy about your life, trying to figure things out, love a good cocktail, and most of all can't live without your best girlfriends, then by all means shell out the cash and sit and relax while watching a movie that doesn't involve animation. Look, it's not great acting..at times it reminded me of a high school play...turn, find mark, grab prop, speak next, etc. However, ignoring that, there are some funny things going on, and the pure insanity of it all is what makes it funny and entertaining. Because, lets face it...the chances of me and my best girlies going to the Middle East to be spoiled by a business associate is pretty much off the radar screen. We revel in what could be and if that is all we can get for right now, that's ok. And if this poorly acted movie brings me and just one of my besties together for an hour and a half (which I am so greatful for) then it's worth all the 3 dollar waters I can afford.

Free for all...

I'm going to write this blog post, and someday at some point in my life it's going to come back to haunt me. I know it will, and because I feel so strongly about it, I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway. One more note before I go on, this may affect my job search, it may affect my family, and it may affect my education goals, so when reading this take into consideration that I've put that out there and I know it's going to hurt.
I'm sitting here doing homework, and watching one of daytime TV's most popular shows (although I will never understand why) and I'm completely blown away by what I hear, as I am most days when watching The View. Now, I'm a fairly conservative person, however I do have some thoughts and ideas that sometimes make me feel liberal. I do feel though that above and beyond the politics I am fair. I tend to look at both sides of a situation and then I decide what I think is fair and morally right and I take that side. So, back to The View, they spend 2 minutes this morning talking about this child that told Michelle Obama that her parents don't have "papers", giving their opinions and of course having a laugh over something. I don't find this funny at all considering most of those women disagree with the law in Arizona saying it's OK to question those individuals that may be illegally in the US. They probably wouldn't find it so funny either if they were living in AZ and got questioned. I could probably move on and not really think about that portion of the show, as I do on most days when the show makes it to the screen of my TV. However, a few minutes later, they have a guest star George Lopez who take 10 to 15 minutes of his time on the show to make fun of Mexicans. He made comments about how Sarah Palin is like a Mexican because her and her daughter have a child the same age and her husband doesn't work. Now, that is a stereotype, I recognize that, and I can also recognize that to most people it's funny (things like this are often funny when they are partially true), and even I could laugh at it if I wasn't so annoyed about it. Sitting on the stage at that time were three black people, one Mexican and two white people. So, the majority of people are "minority", is that why it's OK to make those jokes? Are there rules on when it's OK to make jokes about the stereotypes of Mexicans or blacks or any minority for that matter? Does the population of the room have to favor the minority for it to be acceptable? How would that joke go over if a white person were to have said it, and if the answer to that is that it's not acceptable to have a white person make stereotypical jokes about minorities then why is it OK for them to make the jokes about whites and about themselves? Long question, not one logical response I can think of. No response to that could possibly make it OK. If minorities do not want discrimination, don't want laws out there to check to make sure they should be here, don't want anyone to make stereotypical jokes then I have logical answers. Don't make fun of yourself if you don't want others to do it too, and follow the rules. If I have to follow the law then so does everyone who is here. Now, outside of that show, I want to quickly state my opinion on this issue so that it is clear. I believe this is a great country, and I can see the appeal of being here, hell, I don't want to leave. I believe that if someone wants to come here and has the intention of doing well for themselves and supporting this country as well as their own they should be allowed. I believe opportunity is available for anyone and everyone and if it's necessary to be in the US to do it, then I'd welcome with open arms. My bottom line is do it legally. Do the work that is required, make an effort and have the understanding that rules are meant to be followed not broken. Reaping the benefits of this country without paying the dues is not OK....if I have to do it so does everyone else. It's the way it is. So, if you aren't here legally, and someone knows it, yes, they should turn you in and you should try again the right way and again, open arms. If the federal government would have taken appropriate action that yielded results then we wouldn't have the AZ law that we do. Way to go AZ, way to take the bull by the horns and get things done right.
(is it terribly sad that I'm terrified at how this could affect my life...free country and all...)

6/22/10 UPDATE
How can I write a post like the one above, and then not make a quick comment about the latest shananagans the White House is pulling by attempting to actually sue the state of AZ for creating a law felt to be unconstitutional. Three things about this that really light my fire...1.Please, do not spend MORE money that this country does not have suing a state within your own union that is doing something that we fought a war for them to be able to do. 2. Um, yeah, it is constitutional, that's actually exactly what it is, my 5th grader could tell you that, and 3. If the federal government would have done something about the issue prior to AZ taking it into their own hands we really wouldn't be having this conversation would we. Is this going to change anything? Will the federal government step in and take over this plan of action after it sues, or will it go back to being the way it was. Where there were no rules, no action taken, and a free for all in AZ? Just sayin.

Should, coulda, woulda

More than anything, I hate it when I'm wrong. Even when I know what I'm doing is wrong, I can usually justify how right it is, and then when I realize I'm wrong about it, I'm annoyed. After high school and up until very recently, I had convinced myself that it was OK that I hadn't gone to college. I had some reasons why I didn't go, and I've blamed not going on someone else for a really long time, however, looking back, I really didn't want to go either. It's a hard thing, college, especially when you don't have someone pushing you and helping you through the process (which I did not). I thought I'd be fine, get a job, have a family, and be non the worse off without the college education. For a really long time, I was fine. I had a great job and made more money than a lot of people I know that DO have a college education. I was OK with that, and at parties when I was asked where I went to school I skillfully changed the subject. Also, I'm a total hypocrite, I'm constantly pushing my kids to get good grades and they know they are expected to go to college...it's not even really an option. Up until now I didn't really have a reason why they should go other than the education of course, and the experience. However, I'm becoming wise in my old age (hey, I just had a birthday and I can feel old for awhile still) and I've realized through my school work that there are so many more benefits to having gone to college, even if the classes aren't in direct relation to your major. Specifically my English Comp class, where we are learning more about writing, and different methods to do so, APA formatting (which is still an odd concept to me) and more. I can look back and see how even though I'm a fairly good writer having had this class before I went into the workforce may have helped me along the way. I feel better about myself too, I feel that I can honestly tell my kids they are going to school without feeling regret or hypocritical, and I can feel proud of myself when someone asks me where I went to school, or what I majored in and I'll have an actual real answer. Granted, I don't get to stay in a dorm, meet a plethora of new people, gain the freshman 15 (don't worry, I got mine with each kid, didn't miss out on that one!) or have the experience of sitting in a classroom, which all are important. I do however get the benefit of the education and right now, that is all that matters.
So, I shoulda went to school, I coulda had an education from the start and made things a little easier on myself, but then I woulda had to miss out on meeting my amazing hubby, having two great kids, and being where I am in my life which is just where I want to be.

I still tell people that.

I remember a birthday party from a long time ago, we must have been 8 or so. It was one of those birthdays when the weather was actually warm enough in April to go outside..king of like this year. Being that out birthdays were so close together, we were treated like twins when it came to the gifts we got from family and friends, I still tell people that. At the time I think I remember thinking that was pretty cool. I mean we both have sisters, but to have someone to share that day with, espeically someone you got along with so great is even better...like having a twin, I still tell people that. At this birthday party we got these twirling dance ribbons. You remember? The kind that have a long white plastic stick with a 10 foot silky ribbon tied to the end? The kind that they use in dance gymnastics on the olympics. Once of us got a blue one and one of us got a pink one. I want to say mine was the blue one, but I don't remember for sure. We danced around your parents yard for hours with those things, around the shed, around the pile of lyme, around the house. I can see those two little ladies, dancing around, one with bright red hair and the other with almost white blonde. You were always taller, but that was OK, because I was older by two days. That made things even...I still tell people that. At another birthday we got a Cabbage Patch toy, think we had a fight over those for some reason, but I can't remember why. I think that was the same year we went out to a lake, and went on those paddle boat things, we got in a fight there too, but that was because I was jealous...I wasn't with you...I still tell people that. We've spent so much of our lives together, like twins, it's an amazing thing that we got to share that nobody else has. I carry a picture of us at the age of a few months, laying on a pool table after our baptism, with our moms standing behind us...we were even baptized together...I still tell people that. I miss you on days like these when you should be celebrating your birthday with me and me with you, that you should have been there on Saturday when we had a tattoo party, you would have love it. I have my tattoo, it's designed with you in mind...I still tell people that. I hope you are happy in heaven, I hope I get to see you again...I still tell people that. I miss you in my life and I still want you back..I still tell people that. I hope you can see that, feel it, know it, because someday when we meet again, you'll know that twins are always together...when you left us, I felt it, I knew it. I still tell people that. Love always.

To write or not too right?

What does one write about when there is nothing goin on to write about, It's been a pretty dull week. Well, it was my birthday on Monday and I received 80 times more "Happy Birthday" wishes on Facebook than in real life, and only 2 phone calls, guess that isn't dull. So, not sure if it's right to write about that, because I don't want anyone to think it's not appreciated, because all the wishes are appreciated and make for a great day. It did teach me a lesson though, if I felt at all icky that day about getting texts and FB posts and calls then people I do that to probably feel that way too. No more...I'm making a commitment to do everything in my power to do nothing less than send a card and at the very most throw a birthday bash for everyone I know (buy Hallmark stock now). So it's right to write a birthday card, and it's right to stop by and give a birthday wish in person. If we don't want to be lost in this world of technology, we need to stop it in it's tracks. Make it personable again..it's OK, people don't bite...much.

Back to Basics?

Just moments ago a white van pulled up next to my curb, it said the name of a company on the side in black lettering constructed with what looked like black electrical tape. The van said it was Ohio (I'm in WI). My kids ran up to the side of the van, and as I watched from my living room window I almost had a heart failure. I dashed out the front door, freaking out...the guy was leaning out the window, talking to my kids! The sad part is...it was an ice cream truck. With the circus music blaring from the roof as is customary in an ice cream truck that travels the neighborhood selling yummy treats to little kids on the side of the road. Careful not to crash the happiness my kids felt I let them buy a treat. Paranoid still, I made the kids come in and put their treats in the freezer (told them it was because dinner was almost ready) until I can look at them closer. I'm giving myself some time to consider my next move. I want my kids to be able to trust people (although when it comes to the saftey of my kids I rarely do), but I also want them to know the dangers of people trying to hurt them. Many things are running through my head right now...what did he do to the treat, he knows where kids live, he knows how many and how old, he knows they like treats and are more than willing to come up to his van...however, he also knows, thanks to my paranoid mind that within seconds he'll also see mom hanging out on the front porch watching closely. So, I think I'll warn them of the dangers of strangers...again...and I'll check their treats in secret and try to get some sleep tonight while I worry if they are getting sick. Crazy mom, paranoid mom, yes....safe kids..hell yes.

Here's MY sign...

There is a comedian out there that talks about people seeing their sign when they ask a dumb question or need the obvious stated...I thought of that today when I realized that I saw my sign and I really need to return to the workforce. On more than one occasion today I've actually spoken to objects. Not so much that I expected them to respond, because frankly I should be committed if I expect that, but just making comments..outloud..to stuff..yikes. I talked to the towels I had hung out on the line today when I was rushing to take them down as it started to rain. "hang on little towels, I'll get you down before you get wet..hahaha..you are already wet...maybe I should just leave you here...no, the neighbors will think I'm a nut..better take you down..(singing now) here we go off the line, into the house, into the dry...(talking again)..I should be a song writer." Then later, and I know I'm not alone on this one, when my computer wouldn't do something I'm sure I was very specific about, I talked to it, "come ON, just do what I told you to do and you won't be hurt!" Then, the winner of the day was just now, as I was getting ready to make dinner. I was putting some dishes away that included two coffee mugs and a wine glass (nice combo huh). I had all three in my hands and then realized..and said outloud "oh no little wine glass, you can stay out, I'll put you right over here and we'll see each other again shortly". Oh..my..oh my oh my oh my...really? I told my husband of the last "discussion" and he looked at me with absent eyes and said "wow". So, the moral of this humiliating story is that I need a job where I can talk to things..I mean adults...that will talk back. I need to use my brain for good. This is so embarassing but I know my father in law will get a huge kick out of it.

What I thought I knew about softball and men

Last night I came home from a Booster Club meeting, turned on the computer and saw the familiar sight of the SoftballFans.com website tab along with the other standards, Twitter and Facebook. The thing that caught my eye however was that the word "divorce" was also on the SoftballFans.com tab...which means that my husband was reading a thread that had something to do with softball and divorce. I was curious so I read the thread which had some surprisingly interesting and thoughtful responses to a guy asking about what he should do about his "nagging" wife that was threatning divorce because of the amount of time spent playing and umping softball. Two things struck me as odd about this thread. One, that a guy was actually thinking about the possibility of divorce because of softball, and two, that men actually talk about this kind of stuff. I've been told by my own husband on numerous occasions that guys don't talk about this kind of stuff when they hang out, that they talk about bats and tournaments and what kind of beer they are drinking, but rarely does the subject of wives, marriage, kids, or anything remotley domesticated come up. As I mentioned, some of the responses to the players initial post were well thought out and in favor of "the wife" (which, by the way I can not STAND to be called, I DO have a name). There were also some not so nice and somewhat ignorant responses which is to be expected when reading a thread on a male dominated website about softball. I'm not going to lie, I desperatley wanted to respond to this guy with a female prospective of the situation, but decided against it mostly because I didn't want to post under my hubby's name with a sappy response and I also didn't want to sign up under my own name because, well, I just don't care that much. I'm impressed at the guys willingness to take the BS from the rest of the website members, however all of this probably could have been avoided if he'd have just talked to his wife. Good to know that regardless of what men say about womens nights out, and all the fun they poke of our chattyness, there are those select few men and select moments when real life is discussed and advice is shared. Way to go guys...even if it is on a softball forum.

Customer service...how may I help you?

Twice in the last two weeks I've had to deal with people at a customer service hotline. Both times it was because of something that had to do with a bill of sorts. Both times I've had to turn on my "firm" voice, and both times, nothing got done without me having to throw a threat out there or ask for a supervisor.
My issue is this...why can't they just give me what they can give me without it resorting to my having to throw a fit, and WHY for the love of all that is Holy, can't they admit when they make a mistake and take the responsibility for it? You know that if it was a mistake that was made by the customer there wouldn't be negotiations or percentages for clearing the mistake. There would be a bottom line of "you pay or you no get"...duh. I just wish that just once someone would have their ducks in a row, I wish that big businesses would understand how the consumer actually feels instead of how much it's costing them. (my mom always used to say, wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which fills up first). I think they'd make more money that way in the long run. It's like people always say...kill them with kindness.
For the record, I'll never reccomened anyone ever use Turbo Tax, nor am I overly thrilled with the latest shananagans from Sprint. Just had to throw that out there...I can't be the bigger person...I've tried.

Job Hunting

I've been job hunting, searching, almost begging for a year and a half now. I'm not being overly picky I don't think, but I also don't think I can afford to take just anything in this economy. Something along the lines of "if I don't try for it and get it, then someone else will". I'm on the search for a career at this point in my life, not a job. I know where I want to be, I know what I want to do. It's a matter of getting there and getting it done. It's a matter of getting my foot in the door, even if that means doing something I'm overqualified for until something that challenges me opens up. I've come to the conclusion that I'm an "inbetweener". Which means that I'm applying for things that I'm over qualified for because I'm willing to apply for almost anything, but I'm not getting calls for those jobs because they know I'm overqualified and probably don't want to pay me what I deserve...what they don't know is that I'll take the lower pay!! On the flip side, I'm not really applying for things that I'm under qualified for because I won't get a call on those anyway, especially when employers are saturated with resumes from job hunters that are qualified for those positions. So, the question is, what to do? I think the bottom line here is that I have to keep being persistant...keep applying for the jobs that I want, keep applying for the jobs that I need and hope that my resume makes it to the top of the pile one of these attempts. I know I'm not alone, and I know that taking it personally doesn't really help either...it's all about the luck of the draw. I know once they bring me in, they'll want me. I'm awesome.

General Hospital soap makes a huge mistake!

On the March 15th episode of General Hospital, it shows a young teenage girl getting abused by her boyfriend. It's a storyline that has been ongoing for awhile, but has finally climaxed at her getting severely beaten, where as prior to this she has been verbal abused, slapped, and grabbed roughly. ABC has been promoting this week of episodes to be a teaching moment for teenagers to learn about abuse and what to do about it. Saying it's a must see for teenage girls, and that the story is "ripped from the headlines". The storyline of a teenage girl being beaten by her boyfriend, taken to the hospital and hopefully in future episodes showing the aftermath of what happens, is a good lesson. It is a hard lesson to learn and unfortunately something that needs to be discussed with our girls. HOWEVER, the last scene of the episode shows the teenage girl LYING about her attacker. This is the most irresponsible thing I've seen on TV in a really long time. I understand that this is what happens in some cases, that women are afraid of their attackers and therefore lie about who they are...however, this is a soap opera, that is promoting this as a learning moment to teenagers...they cannot and should not be showing the girl lying!! We need to show what SHOULD be done, not what IS done...we need to TEACH women to tell the truth and show the story line regarding the truth, which is just as difficult to get through as the abuse itself. I'm furious about this and am SO glad that my daughter isn't old enough to watch soaps. I feel bad for the parents that took ABC at face value and showed this episode to their children and then had to try and re-teach the real lesson, that it's NOT ok to lie. In addition to teaching young women it's not OK to lie about an abusive situation, we cannot forget how this affects the young men. GH needs to be responsible and show what really can happen to an abuser (man or woman), that they will go to jail, that there are consequences. If they wanted this to be a story line only, they should add a disclaimer to the show, if they wanted this to be a teaching moment as they promoted, they need to do it the right way! It's irresponsible of them to show a PSA at the end of the show regarding abuse and then show what NOT to do on the show. Kids are kids, they may not be able to see the difference in reality and fiction if they are in this situation.
Please make your comments on the soapnet.com, abc.com, or abc.go.com/shows/general-hospital, so that the writers and ABC know we don't agree with this!

Let the sun shine in...

It's so amazing! The sun is out, the air is fresh and warm and clean. The snow is gone (although it's left mud in it's place...I can look the other way on that). Spring cleaning is right around the corner, both inside and out. Ever wonder how the garage could possibly need cleaning every single year? Seriously, how does it get so messed up? Remember during the winter when you'd let the dog out and it was too cold to go out and pick up the mess, and you were so happy when that little dusting of snow came and covered it all up? Well, now it's time to pay the piper on that one, ugh, the worst of the spring cleaning for sure. The windows outside need a good scrub, mine as well do the inside too! Sweep the walk, pull the old weeds, pick up the winter toys that have been buried all winter, probably find a glove or two! The best part is soon, very soon, clothes will be able to be hung on the line! Oh, the prospect of it makes me smile. I lied, the best part is the flip flops are ready to come out...now THAT makes me smile!! Oh wait...the dogs can be let outside now! Maybe THAT is the best part?? I can't decide.
Happy Spring!

GOOOOO T-wolves!

Above is a pic from our recent trip to watch a MN Timberwolves game. They lost, but we had a great time!

Combination lock

Do you ever feel like your life is a combination lock? That if you just shift it a little to the left or right, or wiggle it just right it'll pop open? What if I adjusted my resume just the right way, would that change anything? Would I get a phone call or an interview? What if I connected to that one person on LinkedIn that I wasn't so sure about, would that change anything? What if I kept my status on Facebook as "Looking for work", would that one person see it that has been waiting for someone like me, with my skills hire me? Life is hard to know when to turn your dial to the left or to the right....or maybe if you just left it alone it was right all along and you just weren't pulling hard enough...

oh summer, where art thou?

We've got some serious spring fever going on around the Piller house this week. When it's 35 and above in Northern WI, we call that spring. That's when you can see your driveway again, you can start to take down your Christmas lights, the kids consider playing outside again, and you can stand to be outside long enough to clean out your car from the winter. My husband couldn't care less if winter never showed up, if he could play softball all year round, he'd be a happy guy. So, now that the garage door opens (at negative degrees it tends to refuse) he concocted a makeshift tee to hit softballs off of. He's hitting them against our old mattress but I can still hear it from my cozy warm happy place on the couch. I'm convinced that we was cool with us buying a new mattress so that he'd have the old one for just this purpose! Not only is he doing this but he's got the kids out there doing it too...which, I guess is good. It's always nice when I'm inside alone...oh, I mean, it's nice when the kids get outside and get some fresh air (there, that is more PC right?). Seeing the tempuratures start with a "4" on the evening news is an amazing thing. It puts people in a good mood! Wait until we start seeing 5, 6 or 7's! Bring it on spring...hello pre-summer...can't wait to have you over for a few months! Enjoy the warm weather all, let the sunshine see your face!

The moral of the story is...

Someone recently told me that I'm too old to be doing some of the things that I like to do, so, I went out and got a tattoo. (You know who you are ;) Not that I just randomly went and got the tattoo, I had thought about it, a little bit. I didn't know what I was getting until the morning we left and I didn't know where I was going to get it until about 5 seconds before I sat down in the chair. The bottom line is that you are only as old as you think you are and you are only as old as you want to be. I feel I'm totally capable of getting a tattoo and having a drink with friends and then turning around and going to parent teacher conference the next day without shame.
I often make decisions like this in my life. I like it that way, makes me feel alive! I'm also a planner, which I know sounds contradictory, but that's me!
The moral of the story is, be yourself and don't worry so much about what people think of you now or what they'll think of you in 20 years. (In 20 years I fear the wrath of my daughter when picking out a mother of the bride dress that may or may not need to hide this or any other future tattoos..)
Here is a pic of my tattoo...yeah life!

Have a little fun will ya?

It's so not like me to post two days in a row. I can't help it. I had a revelation today, it's so mind blowingly amazing I just had to share. I just realized why I don't get along with most people all of the time. I like to have fun! I'm talking I like to have some good crazy, wild, get down and dirty, act like a teenager, do dumb things because you can kind of fun. Why isn't that OK? Who said I can't have fun anymore since I have two kids and a husband and a mortgage? Who said that it's not OK anymore to make a little fun of yourself and act a little dumb once in awhile? People are so damn rigid all the time and it makes for a crabby boring life. I'm so over it. I'm not saying I haven't been there, I went through a phase where I thought I had to put on this poser face and act a certain way and live a certain way and it was SO stressfull, but I didn't even know it. Its only now when I see someone else close to me doing the same thing that I think "wake the hell up!" "this is your LIFE, you need to LIVE IT!" The bottom line is that we need to live like there is no tomorrow and live without giving a hoot about what anyone else thinks about you.
Since I'm just realizing this now, and let me tell ya, this is HUGE for me, I have also realized that I've done this to my kids. They are SO rigid, because I am...was. That must change and it must start today. Now actually. I'm going to live my life like I want to, have fun, be happy, do what makes me the person I know I am on the inside. It's going to be so worth it, I can't wait! Want to join me??

Shoulda been a plumber

If ever I took the wrong path in life it was that I should have been a plumber. In this house we've had more water related issues than any other kinds of issues, and I think way more than our fair share of them too. The refridgerator leaking...twice, maybe three times? The washing machine, the pipe int he upstairs bathroom busting because of frozen pipes which then led to the ceiling falling in on the downstairs bathroom, the toilets both clogging and overflowing more times than I care to count and the outside faucet leaking into the basement last summer. Oh, and I forgot the kitchen sink clogging which resulted in having to have a huge peice of pipe replaced through the ceiling of the basement. I can't even tell you how greatful I am for my husband, who is NOT a plubmer, but has played the part (plumber butt and all) for most of these issues. I was wondering today what I'd do without him while we were taking apart the upstairs toilet for the second time in the past year to de-clog (is that even a word?) it. I'd be SO broke, I'd have to create a special fund called "Feed the Plumber Fund" if I was single. So, thank you to my husband, thank you to whoever taught him to do anything he's done, and thank god I don't have to come downstairs to use the bathroom tonight in the middle of the night.
If one more thing water related goes wrong in this house, I'm putting it up for sale, as is, and I'm moving. I am not joking.

Making peace with sugar free

I have to say that my willpower for this no sugar "diet" is amazing. I can't believe how awesome I am! I made rice krispie treats on Friday for the basketball tournament and didn't even have a taste. I worked at that tournament ALL day Saturday and although I could have seriously used a pick-me-up (sugar rush) I refrained. The only thing I did bad was have a beer on Sat. night...oh well, we can't all be perfect. Then to prove how awesome I am, I made chocolate fondue last night for the family to celebrate Valentines day and I ate NONE. Got that? NONE, NOTTA, NILL, ZERO!! I had strawberries with sugar free cool whip. If I can make it through that I can make it through probably anything.
I also think my scale is jacked up. I fluctuate between 8 and 10 pounds between AM and PM. I can't imagine that is normal. 1 or 2 maybe, but 8 or 10? No way. I'm just going to go ahead and believe that so don't burst my bubble.
Next challenge? Start working out on a regular basis. If I can go sugar free, I can work out too. 5K for Celiac disease in May!!! Please join me!

Life is great, kids are good, sugar free is craaazy!

First of all, lets get this out of the way, I totally bombed on my sugar free diet this weekend. Oh yeah, there were glasses of wine and several beers going down the pipes. I felt it the next day, and decided that since I messed up I mine as well throw the rest of the weekend to the wind and had doughnuts on Saturday and ice cream on Sunday....and get this...lost 4 pounds! What the hell??? However, I'm back to the plan starting yesterday. It's tough and I am crabbier than usual I must say...which isn't saying much.
Kids are good. Kids are good. Kids are good. If I keep saying it will it come true? Just kidding, my kids are good. I love them and they make my life a joy and worth living. However, there are times, like today, when I wish that someone wouldn't have stolen my kid manual when Gage was born. I NEED IT BACK! I can't figure it out, I can't figure him out. He's soooo...defiant! I raise my voice, who am I kidding, I YELL at him and he cries, I talk calmly (yes I can actually do that) and he cries, he gets the issue but he doesn't care. What am I missing here???
Life is great, it really is. I have one kid that has grades dropping like an atomic bomb, one that is so sassy and naughty I think she's gonna BE the bully and not be bullied, a husband that tries so hard but I don't make it easy, dogs that have to be let out only after I've sat down, and I've applied for 22 jobs since December and not a single call. Oh yeah, it's great! Yeah me!
Done whining now, done complaining. Just have to look at the big picture and realize that these things are not the end of the world, they can and will be resolved.

Sugar Freeeeee!!!

Ok, so I'm on day three of my second attempt at going sugar free. Last time I did this, a few weeks ago, I felt awesome. I wasn't feeling so weighed down is the best way to describe it. I'm just wondering what all this can change as far as my body goes. Will it help my skin, my weight, my hip pain, one other embarassing issue I won't discuss here :) I know it will change my mood, last time my body felt great but I turned into somewhat of a bitch...the household didn't really want to be around me much! I've heard that there can be some crazy side effects to this and crabbiness is one of them. Well, to me this is just like any other addiction such as smoking or drinking. When my husband stopped smoking he was crabbier than he's ever been so I'm counting on being that way as well. I'll try to control it. One of the other side effects can be having crazy weird dreams. Check. Twice in the last week I've drempt of Oprah. Never in my life (as I recall) have I drempt of Oprah. Also last night I had a dream that I was driving a girl I went to high school with around on the back of a bike....a pedal bike. Can't wait to see what tonight will hold. If anyone ever does read this, which I doubt, and you have some good sugarless treats for me to make please let me know! Wish me luck!

Faith at Merrill Swimming Meet

Here is a pic of Faith waiting in the staging area at the Merrill swim meet this last weekend. She totally kicked butt and shaved a ton of time off of her freestyle and butterfly. Last meet is next weekend in Phillips...unless she qualifies for confrences and then we are off to Ladysmith...again! So proud of my baby!

High School Friends

So to the right of this post you'll see a widget from a friend of mine that I went to High School with. It amazes me every day when I see, hear, and think about the amazing things that people are doing with their lives. Sometimes, as with my friend Joe, I can't beleive what he's gone on to be and accomplish. Facebook has been instrumental in me re-learning about the people I thought I once knew. I congratulate these people and look forward to learning more about them and of course keeping in touch.
Have a listen to Joe's music, I think you'll like it! Grab the widget for yourself if you want to, or go to www.reverbnation/joee to learn more about his music and/or sign up for his fan page. Let me know what you think of it!

memories?

So after 15 years of being out of High School, I've gone and done it again, gone back to college...again. Not sure why I never learn. Which ironically is the subject really of this entry. I didn't do learning well when I was in High School, not so sure what makes me thing I can learn now, but hell, why not right?
So, last night I'm sitting on the couch, then at the kitchen table, trying to get the information from only the first 15 pages of Structure and function of the human body to sink in. Mind you, the first 15 pages only. Good grief, there is a lOT of information in 15 pages of text. I created mnumonic devices, I tried memorizing, I tried everything I could until it was 11:00 and the only thing running through my head was: Metabolism: Aquiring and the use of energy...over and over and over. I woke up this morning thinking that...but that's getting ahead of myself. I decided that after 11:00 anything I put into my head wasn't going to really stay there anyway so I went to bed.
As I lay in bed last night, thinking about metabolism, thinking about how loud the filter is in my sons turtle tank (went to unplug it at about 11:15) and wondered this:
Wouldn't it be cool if a person could pick and choose the things they want to keep as memories in their own brain
Now, that was the main thought to which several other mini thoughts were produced...but that being the general issue. So, I started to think about it...what would I give up to be able to remember the organization of the human body, or the characteristics of life? Would I give up knowing what it was like to give birth? Would I give up knowing and remembering that milk costs 2.45 a gallon at Wal-mart? Would I give up remembering that my cats name when I was a kid was D.C. and that it stood for Dumb Cat. (Thanks mom). Do those things really matter? I thought about all of these things until at least midnight when my sons alarm clock went off singing Alvin & The Chipmunks, The Soundtrack. I think when I went back to bed after that I finally did fall asleep, but as I said above, I woke up thinking about the definition of metabolism. However, as I was showering this morning, I expanded this thought more about choosing memories. What would it mean to who I am to give up certain memories? How would it change my personality, my life, my values? How would it frustrate me to not know the price of milk? What really matters when it comes to memories?
I don't know if remembering my cats name really matters, but it's interesting to me that when I think about this issue, that memory is the first thing that popped into my head. Why is that I wonder? What meaning did that cat have in my life? I don't even like cats!
I'm pretty sure knowning the price of milk, or how much a coffee at Kwik Trip costs doesn't matter in my every day life, but two questions arise from the thought of not knowing those things.
1. Would it frustrate me to NOT know them? Or would it not matter because I wouldn't remember that I didn't know it? (Deep huh?)
2. Even if I could purge that memory in particular, does that even leave me enough room to remember the body systems? Or does it really only give me enough memory to remember something else that I don't need to remember?
Ok, so that is really four questions...see how quick this takes off? (and why I just can NOT sleep at night?)
Maybe I think about the brain wrong? I think of it as compartments where things are stored, and I'm sure that is very elementary and childish, but it's how I do it. So to me it seems logical that one should be able to gather and purge as one needs. And boy do I need! If there is extra space available somewhere, I don't have the key to onlock it and it's going to make me crazy! I WANT to learn more, I want to keep learning and reading and gathering information, but I also want to purge memories that I just don't need (like anything at all said on ESPN).
I'd like a good lesson on how memory works...that's what I really need. To get that I suppose the best path is to conintue on with my education as planned and maybe along this journey I'll learn more about the brain and how it works. (not as the little mini file cabinets I envision it as)

The Flu & the shot

Happy 2010! I spent the midnight minute watching my 8 year old throw up. Nice huh? What a great way to ring in the new year. For the both of us. I wonder if it's any indication of how the new year will be? God I hope not. Isn't there a saying somewhere about how if you ring in the new year horribly then the rest of your year will be awesome? If not, I'm going to just go ahead and start that little rumor ok? I think it's only fair, we had a good 2009 NYE and this year kinda went to hell in handbasket!
This little bout of sickness, probably the flu, will undoubtetly bring up the subject of the flu shot/mist with my sister. She's a freak about it. Her three kiddos have the shot as soon as it's humanly available. She gets it too, as does her husband. Actually most people I know get the flu shot. I really don't get it. I'm not one of those people who thing that there is a huge government conspirusy out there to get us, but people, come on! I just don't get the logic behind a flu shot. I don't see the evidence that it really helps, other than in your mind!!! You still end up getting the flu right? Just not as badly supposedly. You aren't sure about the testing of what's in that shot...could cause a number of things down the road that you aren't aware of yet. Nah, I'll leave my chances up to fate and hope and pray that I'm able to take care of my kids so no real harm comes to them while they are puking. Also, just in case some crazy doctor reads this and turns me into social services, if they do get really sick, I'll take them to the doctor...I swear.
So then anyway, I'll spend my New Years Day taking care of my baby, praying that my other kiddo doesn't catch it, dousing my hands in sanitizer, and probably hanging out. Which, other than the sick part, I was probably going to do anyway!
Cheers!